Santa’s Reply to a Letter from a Security-Concerned Website
Well, I’m not really sure where to begin. Not only was it the first time I’ve received a letter asking me for security for Christmas, but also the very first letter I’ve ever received from a website. And trust me, I’ve been doing this for quite a while, long before that internet thingy I started for Al Gore.
I am very sorry to hear how worried you are about security, and especially hackers and malware. Not really for yourself, but for your owner. I know that most business owners are so busy building their dream, they sometimes forget that there are some very bad people out there who can too easily steal it all.
I have to admit, I wasn’t really sure where to start. If you’d asked me for a Kindle or an “i” something-or- other, or even just a toy or a scarf, that would be easy. But I feel a little like most business owners do, not really knowing how to protect you and even where to start.
But when I had some downtime on my sleigh (don’t worry – it has cruise control, so it was perfectly safe), I did some research and I hope you’ll be happy with what I came up with.
So here goes:
You said you wanted someone to watch over you. Well, while I’d love to be able to do that, you understand I have my own full-time job, even in the off-season. So I sent your owner a very nice letter advising her that the best thing she could do for herself (and for you) was to sign up for SiteLock so that you aren’t so vulnerable to all those hackers and malware removal is automatic.
I love giving gifts like that. They’re not extravagant so there’s no need to feel guilty. They’re very simple to use, so your owner doesn’t have to spend her holidays poring over an instruction manual or looking for batteries. And once you switch it on, SiteLock will guard you and your business around the clock, from the most advanced threats and determined hackers.
So what was next? Oh yes, better passwords. I hear that. It’s a nightmare for my toy business. Who knew so many employees, elves especially, are so careless with important passwords? Like FTP. I mean, why have a lock on the front door of your business if you insist on leaving the keys in it?
But I’ve got you covered. I sent every employee a password manager (don’t worry, some of the best are free). Now they can create and protect the most complex of passwords, and store them all in one safe place. So not being able to remember all those big and clumsy passwords is no excuse. And some of these programs will even remind you when it’s time to update your passwords, so forgetting is not an issue either.
Let me see, what else did you ask for? Sorry, my memory isn’t what it used to be. Oh yes, you wanted to get rid of all that outdated content and code on your website because you think it’s slowing you down. Tell me about. Every year about this time, when the rush dies down, we promise to tidy up the place so that we can run more efficiently as we prepare for next year.
And every year that resolution goes out the door as quick as Christmas itself. Not to worry. I created a special note just for your webmaster. In exchange for his list, I gave him a list, too. It’s pretty simple. I told him to go through every page of the site and remove any outdated content and images, and clean up or remove outdated code – we all know how dangerous that can be.
I also told him to get a patching and updating regimen in place so that all critical patches are installed as soon as they’re available, and outdated software and plugins don’t leave you vulnerable.
I think that’s it. Hope I’m not missing anything. When I think about it, I wish every website would send me a letter like this. I can easily find their owners and lean on them a little. I mean, if this is the season of goodwill and joy, why shouldn’t it start with your website, the face of your business?